Relapse on Crystal Meth
by Joseph Sharp
Lie #1: Relapse is a Moral Failure
The statistics aren’t pretty. One well-publicized estimate puts relapse rates at 92%. (Rehab centers have countered with their own statistics of meth users who successfully complete rehab – at a 10 to 30% relapse rate.) The statistic that rings true to my experience is one I’ve heard from several recovery professionals: a crystal meth addict will slip or relapse on average between 7 and 13 times before, finally, quitting.
But what does all this mean for you? First, the good news is you don’t have to be average.
You can be the exception. This most recent relapse can be your last.
The key is to: 1) end your relapse as soon as possible, and 2) learn from it so it won’t happen again. We’ll look at this in greater detail shortly.
The truth — recovering from crystal meth is a life-long challenge and very few people who are addicted stop using successfully the first time around. I’ll say it again: the average is 7 to 13 relapses before success in quitting takes hold.
For most people, learning how to keep off meth is the same as learning a new skill—like riding a bicycle. Do you know many people who learned to ride a bicycle without falling over a few times? And some of us fell many times before we finally learned the skill.
Relapse does not mean moral failure. It is part of recovery for most addicts. I know I seriously tried to stop several times over a four month period before I finally quit. You could say, “Well, Joseph definitely showed poor judgment during those months because he kept picking up.” Maybe. But crystal meth profoundly affects the brain. My brain was hijacked during those four months by a terrorist that didn’t want to surrender. In those first few weeks, when the brain’s cravings are at their peak, we make impulsive decisions without thinking them through—because we can’t, literally, think them through. Our brains are impaired.
Also, users who smoked or injected their crystal, have extremely severe cravings during recovery.
So, yes. If you relapse it’s completely natural for you to feel discouraged, even angry. But don’t turn that anger on yourself—or others. Turn it toward your disease. Remember, your disease lies to you about your recovery. You have the only disease in the world that tells you, you don’t have it.
Which brings us to the next lie your disease wants you to believe…
Lie # 2: My Previous Progress in Recovery Was Wasted
Sometimes, someone who slips will claim in exasperation, “I lost all my clean time. I’m back to day zero. I have to start everything over.” That’s just how your disease wants you to look at it—as a huge mountain to climb that’s so big, you just might as well not even try again. A more accurate way to look it as is: “I have been sober 20 of the past 21 days. Compared to any other three week period before I came into recovery, this is great progress.”
Yes, you must restart your sobriety clock and establish a new sobriety date, but you don’t lose the lessons learned from your previous recovery time. I’d be willing to bet that your previous clean time experience (be it once or a dozen times) probably helped you come back to sobriety faster this time around. We just don’t lose all that clean time experience. It stays, working on us from the inside. That’s why it’s important to remember, even though you reset your sobriety date, your previous clean time counts. It’s there, accumulating wisdom.
Sometimes you’ll hear an old-timer say something like, “I have X years continuous sobriety.” If you ask them why they phrase it that way, they’ll respond that when it comes to the “total number” of sober years accumulated, they have much more—and they don’t wish to discount that other sobriety time. It’s there, just not continuous.
Look at the last several months, or year. If you have more clean time in the last three months than you have relapse time, focus on that. You are definitely heading in the right direction. Don’t beat yourself up.
As they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. And a solid program of sobriety usually isn’t either.
(Now, having said that, there’s this: there is an emotional, spiritual, and physical growth that only comes with long-term continuous sobriety. It’s something you’ll have to experience for yourself.)
Bottom line—none of this is to encourage or excuse relapse, but you need to learn not to demonize relapse, either.
If it never happens to you, great. No one is happier for you than I am.
But, if you are involved in any groups of recovering meth addicts, from CMA to rehab to group counseling, you will see people relapse. You may not relapse yourself, but people you care about will. So be kind to yourself and your fellow tweakers who are with you on the journey to sobriety.
Crystal meth brought you to your knees. You must learn how to stand up and walk again. And like any toddler, you begin by crawling. As you try to stand up and balance, you often fall—most likely, several times.
Get back up on your feet as quickly as you can. Get back into the rooms of AA or CMA. Raise your hand proudly when they ask if there are any newcomers. You have nothing to be ashamed of—in fact, you’re one of the strongest people in the room at that moment. I’ll say it again: recovered addicts are some of the strongest people I know and, when sober, become men and women of amazing character. Our suffering makes us that way.
Welcoming Embraces and Cold Shoulders
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the “cold shoulders” you might receive from some other recovering addicts when they find out you relapsed. You’d think, when it comes to understanding and having compassion, no one would be more accepting than another addict, right? It should be that way and, often, is. There are many welcoming embraces when you come back from “field research,” as relapsing is sometimes called in the rooms of CMA.
But the truth is when people react negatively to your relapse, they are merely scared for themselves and coming from a place of fear. Maybe they put you on too high a pedestal. Or maybe someone once advised them to, “Hang around the winners only.” And they don’t have the broader perception to see that, by coming back to recovery from your relapse, you are indeed an extraordinary winner. It’s their loss. Forgive them, then focus on your own recovery.
There are at least two important lessons you get from a cold shoulder. The first is: you now get the opportunity to respond to someone else’s fear with compassion. Really, the person turning a cold shoulder needs your kindness and loving compassion now more than you need theirs. They are closing their eyes to the parts of life and recovery they’d rather not see. This is not solid recovery behavior, but old addict behavior. Ignore life and pretend it’s not there. The second lesson of a cold shoulder is: it reminds you to have more compassion and understanding for others who struggle with relapse in the future. Because you’ve felt the pain of a cold shoulder, next time it happens to someone you know, you’ll reach out a warm embrace and soften your heart to them.
You open your eyes. Open your heart. To yourself and to all others who are struggling with relapses.
7 to 13 times—the average with crystal meth. I hope you are above average. There’s no reason you can’t be. But if you are not, don’t beat yourself up.
And when someone gives you a cold shoulder, remember this: You are not toxic. What’s truly toxic is their thought that makes them respond in fear. Not you, my friend.
W H A T T O D O :
Get Immediately Back into Recovery
The sooner you get back to your recovery the better the odds that you’ll make it through this slip to quit successfully. Often, we begin a slip by listening to our disease’s favorite lie: “It’s only for one night. What can that hurt?” I don’t know about you, but I’ve not met many tweakers who were successful in a one-night stand with crystal meth. (For me, at the end, it was five nights. Every time.)
Another great lie from your disease: “You’ve already slipped this once, so you might as well do another run. You’re going to have to set a new sobriety date anyhow. So what’s another few days?”
But is it ever just another few days? Get back to recovery as soon as you can. Don’t listen to your disease. Remember, it wants you dead.
Don’t Dwell on Shame and Guilt
Infants fall down many times before learning to walk upright, but if they didn’t keep trying and falling, they’d crawl forever.
Don’t dwell on shame and guilt. Ultimately, excessive guilt is just an ego trip. It’s not the end of the world as long as you’re back into recovery.
And the most important thing to do is…
Try To Learn From This So It Won’t Happen Again
Hello? When did this relapse really begin? Here’s a hint: the relapse began long before you picked up the pipe, straw, or syringe.
It may have begun when you started flirting with old triggers—certain people, places, or things. Or maybe you started missing meetings. Then you began listening to the lies your disease whispered. When the trigger morphed into thoughts, euphoric recall romanticized using, and the cravings quickly overwhelmed you. All of this occurred before you picked up the drug itself.
Carefully examine how this relapse came to be, so you don’t unknowingly repeat it.
Start Again at Day 0, Depending
Usually a relapse means you start again at Day 0. But when talking about “what to expect” in your stages of recovery, it depends. If you’ve had a substantial amount of time—say over 6 months—and relapse for one night or so, you won’t go through the entire Withdrawal, Honeymoon, and Wall stages. But if you relapsed for a considerably longer time, you’ll at least have a form of Withdrawal and the Wall.
How much sobriety you had under your belt before you relapsed and for how long you relapsed have a lot to do in determining how your recovery goes. Generally, you’ll start again at Day 0.
The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.
The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.
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